Sunday, January 9, 2011

Dear friend, please don’t send this letter to others.

“Oh, dear friend, can you image if one day I disappear, will you cry for me, will you miss me?”

I was told that one could live in the world for good as long as one was remembered by others, is it true? The days in Washington D.C. have gone, but please don’t forget me :)

Dear friends,

This is Greeny. The moment you read this letter, I have already come back to China and started my amazing school life again. (I am so old to use this old fashion starting~~ Apologize~) Here, I want to say thank you to all of my friends, for taking care of me in D.C. and for teaching me so much in U.S. This is my first time abroad, just like a new born baby, I got to learn how to live, how to learn, how to love, in a totally new city, or country. In D.C., I got to know how to work at an office, I got to know how to decorate Christmas trees, I got to know Wal-Mart sells guns, I got to know American people actually like vegetable so much, I got to know that Jesus is so important in Americans’ life and one is loyal enough to die for him….. Everything is so wonderful!! I really appreciate that I have met all the nicest people in D.C. and their patience let me learn so much in U.S.

For those I worked with at Policy Impact, I sincerely thank you all. Policy Impact is such an awesome company and let me change so much. Policy Impact really has the impact that changes my life!

Bill, thank for giving a chance for me to learn at Policy Impact, and your wisdom really impressed me so much. I sincerely hope that you can see a boy from our school very soon. We do have boys at school :)

Ben, I am feeling that when you speak, you are just like singing. Isn’t that case? So good to talk to you~ And if I was in trouble again, I would do as what you told me, trying to call Rob. But Rob said that he would call you. Then, when you got Rob’s call, please give me a hand :)

Rob, please have a “muy feliz” life with Whitney! I have to say that Whitney and you are really a couple made for each other. Happy wedding! And thanks for teaching me Spanish, for teaching me how to love. (P.S, I will inform you when I want to get married. XD..You know I am JK~)

AJ, the Victor’s Secret gift card is FAKE. I am so sorry to hear about that, but please don’t go there~ Especially alone.

Sarah, you are such a nice individual and I learn a lot by talking to you. I wish I could talk to you more about different culture and I still want to learn more about Italian from you! I still cannot forget I didn’t go to Baltimore with you. (Tears~)

Leo, thank you for teaching me listen to my heart, I still remember you told me “You can do that if you like.” Chinese people tell me to take care of others’ feelings first, sometimes I just forget what my feeling is. Thank you for your remind~

Bethany, B2B is such a great idea! I am so glad that I could go to your celebration party! And please live happily ever after!

Craig, hmmm, isn’t that you are a cool guy?! Thanks for talking to me each time when I was tired~ You’re a super nice person!! I have to pick a pumpkin with you someday, it’s not that “boring”.

Tori, “Miss Laugher”?! I am very happy each time I hear your laugher! You are really a delight. And, hmm, I will try to do kissing face with you next time, I mean, try.

Connie, thanks for your patience for me and teach me so much about U.S.. I definitely will see you in Hong Kong someday!

Kurt, it’s really hard to find someone else who is as cool as you, and I will confirm that whether Salt Lake City is the most beautiful city in the world someday.

And for those who teach me what American life is, how I can forget you?!

Frank, do you think I can be lucky enough to see you again in the future?

Hannah, I tell everyone that you are my American mother:) Thank you so much for taking care of me. I really hope that I could spend more time with you in D.C.. If I went to Alaska, do you think I could go hunting with you? I have sharp eyes! My only shortcoming is I don’t have a sleeping bag there.

Aimee, did I miss your birthday? Happy birthday! I hope that you can find a super good friend to go to Boston and have a great great time there. Will you tell me more about your amazing life even though I am not in U.S.?

Colton, 你的中文好到我不用再說了啦! 要再來中國哦!

Clara, it’s so good to meet you in D.C., I wish I could talk more about journalism with you. If you wanna have an internship in China, make sure that you will inform me!! I haven’t told you that, but I really like your smile so much, it’s so warm!!

Candace, thank you so much for being so friendly for me. I am feeling so lucky to meet you in D.C.!

Laura, I hope I could have the first dinner with you when I was back to D.C.!

Taylor, you have amazing smile and attractive eyes! I enjoyed having dinner with you! Do you think I can visit you in Seattle?

Jennifer, you are the first one that told me “you’re a gift for me”, thank you so much for holding my hands and praying for me. No one has done that for me before, I really like it so much. Please teach me more about religion!!

Miriam, I really enjoyed the time I spent with you, especially the time we discussed about the “eternal principles”. I really wish I could meet you earlier. But I have to say that thank you so much for taking me to experience so many American things! It’s so amazing.

Dear all, I have already made my mind to be a superwoman in the future, hope someday I can fly to U.S. and see you all. :) You know what I mean?! I look forward to seeing all of you in the future!

To all I love: 我會永遠相信,距離不是距離.

And, a very important thing:

Everyone, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Please have an amazing 2011.

With bests,

Greeny

Greeny (c) 2010, 12, 24

Scoop

"Scoop" is a magazine about the young people in Shantou. Those people share one thing in common: they have dreams and they are doing something to pursue their dreams. This magazine is amde by 3 girls from Cheung Kong School of Journalism and Communication, Shantou University. And they create the whole magazine, including title selection, interviews, story-writing and design. And why we made such a magazine? Because we have dreams as well.

copyright (c) 2009

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Articles published on Southern Metropolis Daily

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結束了"偽南都人"的生活了

大概快有兩個禮拜沒有寫日記了.在廣州的一個半月每天都浮躁得讓我抓狂.連寫日記,寫詩,或者看月亮這種詩意的生活都被我拋棄在路邊了.回到學校就像又到了另外一個世界,在校道上,在操場上能聽見的小鳥聲,是我在廣州未曾想過的.那時候都忘了有這樣一個世界,或者是,被逼到忘了.

掰著手指算了一算,我通共在南都實習滿兩個月了.不知道以後會不會有機會回到南都,也不知道以後會不會有機會見到報社的老師,所以,要寫下美好的回憶.最近思維跳跃得太厲害,看不懂我不負責哦.


做新聞是一件技術活

波波夫的圍脖上寫過的一句話:”這是做新聞最好的時代”.這句話我到現在還沒能親身證實.不過楊大媽先前說過”大陸是記者的天堂”,孫瑩老師也給我說過,中國是新聞的富礦,在中國做記者多有挑戰呀.廣州滿地都是新聞,連周強也告訴我拉薩也是到處都有新聞的.每個人對著新聞都有自己獨特的理解,而且在身體地做著一些事情,而我卻還是差了一點機會和行動.真不知道自己到什麽時候才會開竅.

跟著林老師實習的日子里,我問了老師很多白癡的問題:老師,你為什麽要做記者?老師,,你覺得人的一生是不是要遇到自己的人生導師?老師,做新聞是不是吃青春飯?老師,成為南都的記者是不是一件很驕傲的事情?老師,這個世界有在變得越來越糟糕嘛?老師,你最好的朋友是誰?老師,做記者需要天份? 老師,為什麽記者都要收紅包呢?做的是”記者”呢,還是”妓者”?做的是”媒體”呢,還是”媚體”?老師,怎樣才可以做一個好記者? 老師,記者只是一份職業嗎,那理想呢?做新聞不要理想嗎?......

然後老師就開始給我講他在新疆的時候遇到的人和事情.告訴他”年輕”時候一直到現在的那些做新聞的體會跟認識.然後我發現老師果然是一個很有故事的人呢.我還跟老師說,老師,你教我怎麼看報紙吧.然後老師就手把手教我,採訪應該怎樣,報導應該怎樣寫.一套套方法論告訴我.那時候才覺得自己真的是在實習,沒有浪費時間.然後我就覺得要遇上一個好老師果然是需要好運氣的,結果是我lucky了一個回合.在學校遇不上的好老師,來到報社竟然如此奢侈地給我好運了一把.

我記得得有一次因為在網路上下載了九陰真經的心法口訣,我就大腦燒壞掉問老師這個世界上是不是真的有人會武功.結果老師也沒有嫌棄我的問題有夠蠢.很耐心地告訴我其實沒有人會武功的.唉呀,林老師果然很好人,一般人可是受不了我的.看來林老師絕對是個武林高手呀.

我問老師做新聞是不是需要激情,老師跟我說做新聞當然需要激情了.我說我沒有激情,最多就只有堅持.我大概到現在還沒有發現自己喜歡什麽,於是活得越來越齷齪.這也是為什麽我告訴老師我覺得自己沒有年輕過就老了.我所追求的那種在夏天熱辣辣的太陽底下,流著汗水辛勤工作的青春似乎總是離我很遠.那個據說中國的女記者有一半想要嫁給他,另外一半非他不嫁,一生人只有兩個,一個是長得太好看,另一個是太聰明的李海鵬就說過他不需要激情,需要的是自由. Frank說認識夫人那時候,覺得她很passionate,所以就說了一句I want to do everything to help her.聽了之後真的慚愧.活了那麼多年,沉淪了那麼久,我卻還不能很大聲地說我自己會為了什麽而瘋狂地活著. 沒有激情,只有堅持.那我活在這個世界上的證據是什麽?

於理想,林老師用了一句其他記者告訴他的話,然後對我說,理想是會害死人的.老師告訴我,有理想是好事,但是不要理想想成為包袱,也不要因為自己有理想而覺得”那些沒有理想的人”不好.一次去採訪的時候,同行的攝影記者告訴我他在報社實習了兩年才正式進入南都工作.他跟我說了一句話:你要知道自己有選擇的權利,也要知道你願意為自己的理想付出多少.

此前,在佛山見到Dave的時候,他走在我旁邊,很認真地跟我說了一句話:最重要的是要記住你和他們是平等的.

出來實習一下子遇見的問題似乎在一嘅黃昏被海風輕輕吹走了.人生似乎真的有太多的東西等著我去挖掘,如果每次都輕易地被自己打敗了,就不能成為一個優秀的人.所以說”道阻且長”呀

不過很遺憾啊,林老師都要結婚了,我卻沒能見到他那個鈴鐺,那朵鮮花一面,我跟老師說,希望你們兩個像一首唱不完的歌,永遠幸福地生活下去.不過我沒告訴他這句話是王小波對李銀河說的.哈哈這句話背後到底意味著什麽呢.如果我見到師母的話再告訴她.哦,另外一個,林老師都不會罵女生的吧.我就覺得很吃虧啊.做一個實習生,怎麼可以不被罵呢?結果就是我每天回到家都不會覺得累得要趴下.sigh…我還是很想試一下這樣生活的.雖然知道自己不會喜歡.所以說,做女生太好的結果就是這樣.


嚴格而論,這是我第一次踏足社會,遇上了社會上各種各樣的人之後,我就發現,大家在飯桌上說的不外乎三樣東西:車,樓,還有女人.加之我是一個十分容易崩潰的人,所以每次吃飯的時候就成了我崩潰的時候.想想每次和青爽在一起的時候,我們都是說著各式各樣的話題:人生,理想,社會,惡搞,還有大家的心事.我從來不曾想過我會和一些"偽朋友"坐在一起,只討論有關錢的問題,因為對於不喜歡的人,我連跟他說話都覺得不太給自己面子了.我說過在下半輩子不說謊的,因為不想再騙自己了.結果,當時我就十分不適應,一直在旁邊崩潰,然後只跟自己肚子里的那條蟲說話.這個世界是殘酷的.交不到朋友也會報人逼瘋.不過還好有發現許老師還會講一些自己的事情.這個世界果然在塞給你一抹屎的時候,再塞給你一抹糖的.然後我就想起萬頃師姐說過的那句話,只要你願意相信,這個世界還是很美好的.做人真不容易吧.

這次回來又見到曉瑛老師了,她還是一如既往地溫柔.臨走那天還和她了拍了照.嗯,果然是溫柔啊.另外還認識了說話就像講故事一樣的賀信老師,記性超好,人超好,知識超級豐富,超有禮貌.講話有深度又有廣度.真是想成為像老師一樣有魄力的人啊.(我沒有說是記者耶.sigh..)這樣我就不用坐了4個小時也不出一句話.

其實我早就決定相信那句話了,做記者,更多的是一項技能,成為一名作家,才真正需要的是天賦.還有一句話是,寫自己想寫的文章,就是好文章.過自己想過的生活,就是好的生活.

做新聞,可以是一種生活方式.

來廣州以後真的受到太多照顧了,尤其是媽媽和叔叔.為了能讓我過上舒服的生活,兩個人都在拼命努力著.這個夏天真的覺得自己是集萬千寵愛在一身.這就是家人了吧.真不知道我以後能不能那麼偉大大.所以說不努力一點是不行的了.

活著也是一件技術活呀.


實習很不高興的時候還寫了檢討書,不過還沒來得及得及改正我的實習就�束了.走的那天看著窗外的日落,我都不相信原來人生過的那麼快.先前聽人說過人一過了20歲,時間真的像流水一樣”嘩啦啦”地流走.唉,我還沒找回我的青春呢…不能那麼快老呀...

青春就是去冒險,去闖,去奮鬥,對不對?
走之前,叔叔跟我說的一句�:加油長大.
每一段新生活都是要鼓足勇氣前行的.
我離開南都了.然後,Nicole唱過的,離開是爲了回來.

下次再見南都的時候,就要變得更有氣場了.

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
這個夏天,是不是有太多故事不及記錄下來
這個夏天,是不是與太多人擦身而過
這個夏天,是不是還有夢想沒有記起來

Greeny (c) 2010, 8, 27

实习总结――爱在砂糖与屎之间

前些天看《号外》的时候看到这句话,实在觉得很适合用在我的实习总结上面。

爱在砂糖与屎之间。

我越来越觉得自己是反季节的蔬菜,或者说是蔬菜里面的番茄,明明是水果,却被人当做蔬菜。也许以后的路都要自己一个人去走,和别人比起来,少了盲从,多了心惊。

罢,人生没有这些也不怎样吧。

实习的时候每天都很想快点写实习总结,因为写了实习总结之后第二天就不用再回报社了。不过现在回到学校又是一轮新的挑战。话说我听说一个人的价值观或者信念被动摇的时候,晚上就会做梦梦见牙齿都在松松地想要掉。大三上学期我一直做着这样的梦,到了现在每次睡觉都有掉牙齿的恐惧。可是做梦的时候觉得自己的牙齿要掉了,在睡梦中摸了一下才知道自己的牙齿还在,这才放心继续睡觉。这种感觉实在很不妙。

我所在的实习部门是时事新闻中心,阴差阳错地跟了跑文化线的记者。我的老师是中大毕业的,本科念的是信息管理。后来留意了一下报社的其他记者,大多都是非新闻专业出身的。每每这个时候我就会感叹到,学新闻的同学们“搵餐晏仔”都真的很难。

跑文化线主要就是经常去一些博物馆,看看展览,采访一下艺术家或者主办方之类的。期间印象深刻的展览就是那个客家泥塑展,看了展览之后才深深感受到不同地区的文化实在有令人流连忘返的吸引力:我才知道原来用乳汁滴眼可以消毒杀菌,还有在围龙屋门前讲故事的安逸气息。那个艺术家拿出一卷超过百米长的手稿给我们看的时候,我真正被震撼到了:做个艺术家其实不像外行人想得那么闲逸。要想做一个出色的人,做任何事情都是要付出比平常人一百倍的艰辛。后来去广东美术馆采访了新任掌门人罗一平,发现这个掌门人实在是自信心爆棚,绝对有征服五岳之巅的野心。实力?当然也不是向我们吹出来的了。他说起广东美术馆的未来规划,连我这个门外汉听完以后也对美术馆的未来充满信心。至于后事如何,就真的要尽请期待了。

话说每次去到博物馆的时候,博物馆都会有工作人员来让媒体签到,然后发一个大大的信封。我就感觉很不对。里面是什么?当然就是钱了。每次回到报社还要做经手人,把信封交给老师。这种感觉就好像是被冤枉了一样,极不淡定了。一个女生的肚子被搞大了,硬要我去负责任,这是道理嘛?两个字形容的话就是不爽。结果,就像MLA唱的,到最后我都没有开口,我只有垂头;到最后我都没有跳楼,我只有泪流。也许在学校实在是活在这个世界之外了,要活在这个世界上我还差一点盐味。

印象中似乎有很多心怀新闻梦想的人都是所谓“心向南方”的。这个“南方”当然指的就是南方都市报和南方周末了。南方周末的情况我不太清楚,不过在南都的一个月里,我两次听到了令我很心痛的话。第一次是一个记者在办公室里和其他记者吹水的时候很大声地说了一句“哪个记者不收红包?”我听了以后心里狠狠地凉了一下。第二次是在南都新闻奖的颁奖典礼上主持人因为要调动气氛,于是在开场的时候戏侃自己在潘多拉星球超不爽,因为那里写不了新闻,出不了报纸,想写个稿吧,连个新闻禁令也收不到。听了以后我实在是背后再凉了一下。全场颁奖离不开奖金多少之类的。每次收到信封之后心里都觉得很不踏实,我总是感觉不太对。杜老师上课的时候讲过,当你感觉不太对的时候就要再回过头来想一下这件事了。我自知无法解决这个问题,于是就尝试跟人交流。讨论结果是家人都觉得这个很正常,我感觉他们说的有一层意思是这样的事情挺不错的。后来问了一些师兄师姐,他们说给你红包就收呗。是不是世界上的事情本来就没有所谓的对错呢?为什么我觉得明明是不对的事情,在贵国总是一次又一次地重复做着呢?整个世界就像是一个巨大的漩涡,我即使在边缘也会被卷进是非当中,而且是一次又一次,一代又一代地做着这样的事情。

后来我的感受总结成一句话就是:

we have to be very strong, if we want to do something very wrong.

我感觉报社的记者都好像没有朋友似的。每个记者每天的工作量超过10小时,这是少的,每天12个小时也是常态。每天采访完以后就写稿,做完之后累得连眼睛都懒得转一下,再去交朋友恐怕真的没有精力了。而且做记者以后,看书就变成了一件很奢侈的事情了。所以说,任何事情都是要付出代价的。我要问我自己的就是,我到底准备了多少这样的代价?

虽然2月份去实习实在不是一个好时节,但是,我还是见识一些些,思考了一些些。更重要的就是知道自己在哪些地方不足。我试过在电脑面前坐了3个小时年500字都写不出来,那种感觉实在不妙。不过知道自己的缺点在哪里,其实也是一件幸运的事。

还有一件很重要很重要的事情要记下来的,就是,实习的第二个礼拜就因为工作强度太大而生病了,病到出去被风吹了一下都晕得蔫掉了。这个时候都是妈妈在无时无刻地照顾我,半夜睡觉的时候还要惦记着帮我盖被子。每天都等我回家吃饭,担心我的安全。看见我第一篇po的文章比我还要高兴。可是有天跟妈妈说话的时候说了句我以后不买房了,她听了以后没有说话。后来有天突然跟我说了一句,她要自己赚钱买房子。我一听就懵掉了。原来妈妈觉得养育了我真正二十年,换来的就是这句话。听到这句话的时候简直想在她面前掉眼泪了。我不知道我想做的事情,我不想做的事情,原来无形之中带给身边的人那么多伤害。以前就只会看自己,觉得这个世界太喧嚣,然后为了内心的平静,失去了那么多成长和交流的机会,到最后最受伤的不仅仅是自己,还有最关心自己的人。以前有个心理测验说我会对不起无数的人。会�?结果会不会真的那么糟糕?

总之呢,我的第一次实习生活就是这样一抹屎一抹糖的情况下结束了。

我的人生才开始呢。

Greeny(c)2010,3,20